Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Went for Toastmasters today, and even though it was just a simple chapter meeting once again, it made me think all over again on many issues. On my very reason in joining Toastmasters, what I want to get out of it, and the very life that I am leading.
Well, at least these thoughts are just brushing my mind; I havent felt a strong sense of conviction for any one of these issues yet. Well.


My life is actually quite complicating now. Term Papers are all due in this month, and FNA project and OM presentation. Add this with occasional rare mood swings and some emo-ing, plus more sneezing. Somehow at times, I become very motivated when encountering these endless deadlines. Yet at other times, I just totally feel it is unachievable, or simply too far away from the due date, thus I tend to procrastinate alot alot.

I suddenly miss my friends alot! Especially close and significant friends.
Somehow, in my bid to be all headstrong and confident and independent, I have neglected my own emotions, my friends, and the true me.
Somehow, it seems crystal clear that YanLing isnt like that.


It just reminded me that NUS is really a place abound with opportunities to learn and to excel. They are all there, just right in front of me, waiting for me to grab hold of them. Yet, I realised all this while, I have been procrastinating, wasting opportunities and wasting time. Every day, I lug myself to lectures, AIESEC meetings, Toastmasters meetings, and it dawned upon me that I am actually not giving my very best in every opportunity that presents itself every single day and moment. Im just simply wasting my time. Might as well go back and sleep right.

Sometimes, its fatigue which prevents me from giving my best. Then I feel so wasted, as I think back.


It occurred to me that I was just making excuses for myself.
And I wasnt putting in enough effort to make sure that every single day is fruitful.


Sad to say, I thought I could live happily ever after, after my big makeover, and depend on myself all through my NUS life. Now I realise, I can't.
Thats not my true self. Thats not the true YanLing.
I think I still need close friends and a companion and a confidant.

Im not embarrassed about it.
My life is all about experimentation.
At this point of the experiment, at least this is the hypothesis and conclusion that the scientist in me has come up with. Well.

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