Saturday, September 08, 2007
Tell me about it.Emo is my middle name.
I lost my freaking handphone yesterday..
And yes.. the student who picked it up from the cab.. please please please just return me my phone.. because its only 2 months old.
Please..
Became so freaking emo yesterday night.. couldnt slp.. even dreamt abt my phone..
Im losing control.
Im so losing control.
Sad case how a phone (which is an inanimate tangible object) can become so part of my life.
No, probably its not so.
Im just afraid.
Afraid of the responsibilities that come with losing my phone. All the scoldings and "see Ive told you.." If you know me well enough, you should know where it comes from.
I once mentioned before that I was losing feeling, feeling numb towards everything and anything. But yesterday, it was the first time that my emotions swarmed back. I dunno if its a good feeling. I know definitely it wasnt a good feeling which I felt yesterday. Really felt so stifled, feel like crying. Really was pulling my hair out already.
The thing is, at least I could feel my emotions coming back. And probably, if we look at it in a positive light, its good in the sense that probably numbnofeelingwhatever days have come to an end.
This same feeling was the same one I felt a year back when I lost my whole bag at Macdonalds. But at least I was a lot calmer then. And I mean.. notes .. duplicable.. din really impact me that much.. Once again, I was just afraid of the responsibilities.
I rmb I sat there with ZhiZhong.. staring into blank air. I know its just that sense of waiting for reality to sink in. But not too much of sadness, nor hope. And why, this feeling is all too familiar. =(
Im still very sad.. HAIX. I dreamt about my phone yesterday. I dreamt that I could touch it and I slapped my face to see if it was true, and in my dream, apparently it was true. And as I said, its a dream.
Well, anyway I have not cancelled my line. I am still waiting for that small little speck of hope that the student will call me back using my number. Sorry Im still hoping.. And everyone is just scolding me again.. Why dun u just cut your line.. what if the person calls overseas or whatever..
I told them, if anything I would just take the responsibility and pay the bills or whatever..
But well things for my side is not just so simple..
I was so emo ytd, I really felt like talking to someone.. Yet I had those stupid fears again.
Ended up calling Yinwei. I think she must be so shocked that the les she knows has become so solemn, emo all of a sudden.
As I write this, I also feel like crying man. welll.
You call me naive or stupid or watever.. I m still holding that hope.
At least les is on my side.. I just hope.. that you all will understand why I feel this way.. Why Im still waiting..
Haix. Its not just abt the phone. I just want a part of myself back. very desperately.
This time I prayed hard to God, hoping that miracles will happen for me.
Well.. hopefully I will have good news for all of you.
=( embedded in between at 10:36 AM
