Saturday, January 20, 2007

On certain days, dont u just feel like totally listless, devoid of energy, and all lethargic?
I hate this part of myself.
I just hope it'll go away.. in fact I just hope I din have this part of myself..


Recently Ive felt like Ive been living in my own small little world. Totally become so self-centred. I dunno, I just cant help blaming myself for that.. to the extent that my self-confidence just weans to a near-zero.. that feeling sucks..You just yearn for affirmation all over again..
There's simply those days that I feel totally inferior and weak, like losing control of my life.. yet there's others that I feel like I can take on the world man.. but apparently these days which I mentioned in the latter is seemingly vanishing..


Im starting (or ever since we've started) to worry abt us. Yes. Cos I know he likes confidence.. but each day, the confidence is just dwindling in me..
Or instead its cos my life now has changed ba..
I worry abt us. Yet, I worry abt the inadequacy I'll give him.
I worry abt how much I can give.. I dun want to just keep taking and taking.. and he'll feel damn exhausted.. I mean, to me it's not supposed to be that way lar.. No point already if it is..
Im just trying to sustain everything..
But he's always still my solace allt his while..
I thank God.


After all this reflection, Ive tried to love my mum much more. But every time I make an effort, I become disheartened not long after. And no, I dun always have that courage nor energy to sustain that effort much longer..


My current persona is like.. I say shit lar.. It sucks..
In the past, this is the kind of person I despise.. trust me man..Now im that exact self..
I think every day will turn better when the day starts afresh again..


Loving is tough..
But trust me, Im trying.. Let me try one by one, slowly..
ive yet a big heart..but trust me, Im trying to love each and every one of my friends and family..

embedded in between at 7:33 PM