Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Have you heard of people saying that our greatest enemy is always ourselves?
I ve always accepted that view, nd believed in it piously, convincing myself that every obstacle I am facing is actually a battle with myself.
Yet, as time ploughs through, and you think deeper, dont you just loathe that 'self' that you are endlessly fighting against? That 'self' that follows you ever since the day you were brought to this world, to the time you die.
Sometimes, wont you get tired of fighting that battle? Worse. Alone?


Other times, arent you just glad that after every obstacle and challenge, youve learnt so much more abt yourself and the 'enemy' you are up against?


For me, I just so tired of that 'split personality' we all take on. Yea, fatigue. In Singaporean terms, sian.
To the extent that I lose interest and passion in things that I was once so fervently interested in.
And mindsets do play a great part in that, I believe.


One thing abt studying is the environment we are all subjected under. For Os, Jiamin was a great influence. For As, many a time I do feel that this is a lone battle, not witht he books, but more with myself.
The thing about ego, esteem, and confidence.
That refusal to admit faults and inadequacies, and that unfulfilled belief in my own capabilities.
It has reached the extent that sometimes, I could have hurt others around me, at the same time, I feel worse-off because of that.


Maybe, maybe, there really is something called frequency.
Some people just attract one another, some people just naturally repel.
Perhaps perhaps, that's nature. Perhaps.


oh right, maybe I should stop complaining. Ive had 2 great years of secondary school life, and let me count, and maybe 5 great bosom friends, whose friendships seem potentially lifelong. I should beliving a blessed life. Let me count, I think I do roughly have that same number of great friends from college. Thats a blessing.


Company is impt because they shape the environment we grow up in. And friends paint the colours. We do occasionally get that vandal who draws graffitti all over , but the bosom friends clear them up for you. ok, what a weird analogy. But maybe true. I admit, Im sorry for some things that are occurring around me. But, maybe i should livve my last few days of my college days in mushroom land happily, with great memories.
God bless.


When you yearn for a hug amidst sadness and forlorness, a tiger will do the job. Lol.

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