Thursday, September 14, 2006
SO drained after only 3 days of exams.2 out of 3 days of double papers is no joke.
Finally, I have a 4-day holiday, at least. Haha, sorry, I should stop complaining. I know pple out there taking chem would be complaining that at least I had the wednesday off. ok fine fine. My friend from MJ has pprs all the way till nxt fri. Everyone has their fair share of stress right. Yea, but maybe I should use the time to study more n stop slacking. Hell lar, Im slacking like theres no moer exams can! bleagh!
I dun care. I want to give myself a break. a small break tonight at least.
Everyday ill force myself to mug till 1230. So drained liao..
I deserve a break -convinces myself! wahaha-
Dunno. Somehow this prelims kinda demoralised me alot. I think all my subjects were done very badly. Im not surprised if I get back the Es and Os and Fs like how I ALWAYS gotten during year1.
BUT I DUN WANT TO GET THEM AGAIN!
AND I THOUGHT I GOT THE CORRECT STUDY METHOD ALREADY!
It sucks ok!
hmm. somehow I can feel myself studying right, but it seems like this prelims, no matter how confident you are, you still come out, demoralised! And you think whether you really dun know that many facts...
Actually, I think, esp for my maths and phy, I know my facts, but I just dunno what the qn wants! ok. I say that in exception of nuclear, and probably some of gravitation and kinematics. Bleah! What target of B for phy eh? I think if I get a D i am so damn happy liao!
AND kaileng got CCC for her prelims n went on to get AAA. SO if I cant even manage a C, what makes me so sure Im so worthy of an A! DIE!
On the otehr hand, I am actually quite optimistic for GP. After all, I did make a consistent effort after JCTS for it =)
So the girls think that the only subject I mug is gp? Thanks man.. LOL!
2 words: prelims sucks!
Post-prelim timetable for myself in store!
Who wants to join me?
I rmbered I mugged with jiamin for Os! Its great to have an ally alongside with similar standards =)
The GP compre about connectivity blurring the line between acquaintances and friends got me thinking a great load. The thing abt knowing pple superficially but not in depth. So many friends by breadth but few by depth. SO Sad. I think Friendster is one great example. How many friends do you actually know deeply on your friendster list?
Not to mention, MSN Messenger as well.
How many friends do you actually make a consistent effort to talk to and know better, out of the millions on your expanding contact list? So you add people to show that youve got a lot of friends? Whats the purpose?
For me, no purpose. Thats why I dun anyhow accept friends or rather any passing stranger who adds me on Friendster.. =)
You know what, Im sick of using technology to communicate already. The SMSing, the MSNing. I really would greatly prefer phone calls, and meeting my friends real life to interact with them. Its more personalised that way.
These days, I dun like to see a chunk of 1D words, and the person's name on top, and forcing me to imagine the person saying those words. What tone? What situation?
SOmehow even an "I LOVE YOU" doesnt sound or seem sincere enough on the 2D handphone screen, not as much as the intensity of those 3 strong words said out loud.
So fake can.
But I guess, cos everyones multitasking so much now, we just have to make do with using connectivity devices to communicate.
But I have to say tht we use communication devices to cut down on time to transmit information, like an info in the past is passed through letter-writing, and now its SMS. And words of love and concern in the similar way. But its so overused now that it loses its meaning.
The word overused today is 'sorry'. Sorry becomes of no meaning in today's context.
Man have seemingly become devoid creatures. Devoid of love,passion and sincerity. Or probably we are not devoid of it. That innate quality to love and care has just been marred, or we have concealed it too well with those communication techniques. So sad can.
During maths p1, I was just thinking of something else... (so typical of me during maths pprs) This prelims, my mind was always pondering something else in between the stuff I was at. My mind just drifts.... drifts to a fantasy world, the analytical world... the imaginary world where all my wants exist.. where desires come true...
Maybe..
Maybe its a form of escapism..
Escapism from reality..
To..
Somewhere surreal..
Somewhere ephemereal..
Somewhere like paradise..
Ive been thinking abt this same old issue.
Probably I need to consult my heart, my head, my persisting mechanism and my friends around me of this.
From what I see, at least 2 days ago, I was following my heart and my persisting mechanism (aka the clinging mechanism). Today, I was following my head, and my superficial judgement on people. And especially today, I forgot to ask myself, why I am qualified to pick on others when I am unkempt, messy and spoilt to certain degrees. I forgot, how can I? And I pick on people. What an irony.
I think I totally represent an irony. Life's irony.
Oh wells.
-just one of those complicated mindset days again-
-dont bother-
-thanks for the sweet nothings-
-yann. embedded in between at 10:11 PM
