Sunday, May 21, 2006
To my rash-Please go away. My hand has become totally hideous cos of you. Though u provide the itch for me to scratch(erm . what the..LOL) and relieve stress, you aint supposed to be there! cos Im not supposed to scratch you!
To my parents-
I want some space. Im not the mould you all have moulded and want me to fit in. I want to be myself. Yet I want you all to be happy. I want to love you all. And I also want to be happy. I dunno what to do. And how can we be less similar? The final compromise is always selfish. Or maybe there wont ever be. God, is that your arrangement? Somebody tell me what to do.
To my teammates-
I love the fact that we are a team! I miss the days of training, cos thats when we really bonded. Theres so much to do now, yet so little time. I want to spend time gg thru shit with you all again, yet theres not enough time. I hope the potential internal conflicts go away and we can be the happy jolly family we once used to be. I dun want our instructorship to end cos we cant spend time doing things tgt again, yet I want it to end cos i want to concentrate on alot of other things. Somebody tell me what to do.
To my friends-
Im sorry if I have to make selfish decisions just to be practical. Im sorry if I havent loved you all as how you all have loved me. I hope I have all your understanding. I feel guilty. I want to say sorry. Im just finding excuses. Yet sometimes, the harsh reality and cruel fates leave us having to make so much excuses. I want to spend time with you all yet sometimes I cant, cos I have obligations. SOmebody tell me what to do.
To my grandparents-
Im sorry if I have become the granddaughter too modernised by ideas. If it ever crossed your minds that Ive changed, I want to tell you all that I might have changed but Ill still love you all all the same. Though I might not show it.
To myself-
I want to live my own life. Yet I dont want my existence to be of naught if I live just for myself. Yet sometimes I want to live for others. But I will be letting down myself if I live too much for others. I need to sort out the thing about compassion and personal aims.
I dont want to be living a life based on Hobbes Theory. I want my heart and mind to think alike.
SO complicating eh. The life of an adolescent. Self-discovery. Sounds philosophical. Maybe I should start compiling my blog. Read thru my diary and I can see my own transformations! Its really interesting to see yourself growing. HAHAHA.
Side note:
Ytd dance concert had some items which were really interesting. Yet overall I thought it din live up to expectations. I thought that IJ dance would be better ba. im not sure.lol. HAvent been back for some time.
I need to cherish my best friends more!haha.
Yinwei and me can be the malest partners-in-crime ever! Nobody would do stupid but funny stuff like we can do together! thats why we enjoy each others company. LOL. Role-playing=)
Hhavent revised mucht his weekend. Busy with 72 k. It sapped my energy away! =( Due date is so near. Yet theres so much more yet to be done. =( =( Kims busy, Kaishengs all the way at the other end of the world at tampines. =( =( Mum thinks im doing illegal stuff =( =(=( This reality is bugging me. =( embedded in between at 11:27 AM
