Lucky I didnt go and watch Lu Yuan. Or else, there goes my work. As if I have done much la.
Today, Mr Lim talked to me. He convinced me that I really need to communicate more with my father, and he made me promise that I have to make things more transparent. Actually I do agree to let my parents know exactly what Im doing , but I think deep down, its the fear of underperforming or even the space that I desire. Gosh, Im just a coward! Refusing to face up to reality! Hiding all the time.. making things so ambiguous that any normal person cant help but suspect and think what Im actually doing. Though Im convinced of that need for transparency, I admit, Im scared of that reality.
Being good Friends with Yinglei can be a pressure or maybe a driving force, Im not sure. Today, Mr KOh handed her a somewhat 'invitation' to PSC SCholarship, the prestigious scholarship which my bro had earned himself 3 years ago. SUrely, it would be my long desire to follow in my brother's footsteps, yet I know , at this point of time, with my 3Fs grades, it is nearly impossible! Hello, Im still struggling to pass! Today, MR lim told me of how he studied so hard, after he got 3Fs for his MCT, that he actually got As for his JCT! Unbelievable, but he told me its tough, but its achievable! Apparently he was worried for me; he sees that Im the one who puts in the most effort in my studies in the team, yet apparently Im one of those whose grades are cause for worry; it just doesnt tally. So many people have raised that to me, Mr Lim, Mrs Lim, Mr Wong, My mum and even myself.
I thought about it. Maybe its time. Its time I stopped studying in vain.
I was convinced, I had to keep up with my work, and also allocate time for myself to catch up with previous topics, and that there simply is no more time to slack.
I would really have liked to watch the luyuan production la. Feel so bad cos I actually told jiamin beforehand to book the tickets , yet I had to reject them. But I guess, I still agree with Mr Lim , Mr Wong and MRs Lim. Maybe I should push myself more.
Apparently today there was delta training. I think thing swould have been more different if I had an oac year 1 in delta. With the rest of the titans, actually I dont really know my own position, but I think of the rest as my teammate, and I want to pass on the good oac values that I believe in to them. Apparently, they do get on my nerves at times, so sometimes I thank god that they arent my teammates? Today , I posed a question to them. What are they doing here for? What do they want to achieve at the end of titans? Apparently, there wasnt an answer and I just forgot to care abt it, but surprisingly, it got a few thinking, eg KoanGe , who directed the qn at Sheik , the future house cap. Apparently , Zhizhong went to talk to him abt the team spirit and all as welland showed attitude to Lihong. I talked to the bulk of the team,after they asked why zhizhong was so pissed; I wanted them to ponder over the questions I posed. Apparently, some of their attitudes really suck , thank you that those aint my year 1s or else.. heh heh.. Im not sure. I think Im not the only feeling that all that titans trng is going nowhere. Actually I dont even want to stay back for the trngs, Im not even obliged to la! But apparently, I want to feel the team spirit, pump them up to see the bond that I see gradually increasing amongst my year1s. Then again, authority cant work on them. Im starting to se the effectiveness of OAC. Lols.
Went to 'scold' alpha today. Gosh, think Im too biased. Im scared I set a trap for myself in the case of delta. Gosh.
Thank god I din argue with Gew today. Phew. He makes my blood boil. Lols.
Today I talked to Yinglei about comforting people. I dont think I make a good comforter, cos basically when I am sad, what I usually want my friends to do or say is usually the opposite of what a typical girl wants when they feel sad. Apparently, people whom I usually seek out when Im sad are people who can analyse situations for me when Im so blinded my emotions. i guess cos Im a more objective person, so when Im overwhelmed with feelings, I am still convinced that I have to look at things without the effects of such emotions. Thus I usually seek out such friends. A more guys' form of thinking, Mr Eric tan will say.
Thus, I dun really know how to comfort girls in a sense. For what I want when Im sad aint that of a typical girl. Lols. YInglei says I should just listen. Lols. Apparently , thank god I do have friends who are like me, that form of girl. Lols.
Ok think i need to complete my tut 13 for maths in prep for wed's test. Dun think i can pass =(
embedded in between at 1:22 PM
