Sunday, August 07, 2005

this is supposedly a rather long weekend for me to recharge and pick up gear for the upcoming promotional exmas due in 7 weeks! argh!
The past week has been really stressful. Quite happy to declare that I have almost gotten over my previous misery. Throughout this 'recovery' period, it has been indeed stressful. Sometimes I cry at the slightest things, burst out weeping out of no reason. Extremely emotional, and unable to control my own emotions. I seem to have put all the blame on everyone else, trying to disperse out all the stress. Somehow I really felt suffocated then.


Yeps. The past week was detrimental to my health. Never in my whole life have Felt such giddy spells and headaches which gnawed at the recesses of my spirit. Took a half day off school on Thursday, though it was supposedly one of the less stresful days. Guess a stressful Tuesday did have an effect on me. Always have a sense of accomplishment for surviving Tuesday. Yeps. Plus I came home running a fever on Tuesday. Emotionally unstable then too. The stress was getting to me. My CT reminded me of my obligations-the timetables, and the promises to keep to my timetable and improvements to be made in the promos. Sometimes i Really blame myself for ending myself in this almost never-ending pathway of doom. I know it might not be doom at the end if i continue slogging, but It really tires me mentally, PHYSICALLY, and EMOTIONALLY. I dont know how long can I take out this lifestyle. Some times I just give up unconsciously. This week, my quote of : The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that extra little effort. didnt have much effect on me. I admitted that I didnt keep to it much as I wanted to.


Chanced upon some happy things this week though. On Wednesday, when I decided that I needed a rest and had to forgo my OAC responsibilities that day, I was supposed to go home to rest. In fact the bus ride home was really traumatising. I never felt like vomitting so badly before. Could feel the juices in my stomach dying to rush out. Reached home: realised i forgot my keys :( Went macs to wait for the possibility that my sis might return early to open the door. Waited until the freezing chill of macdonalds aircon rushed me out. Went to a seat near my house void deck and took out chem to study. Unfortunately, I was literally feeding mosquitoes ther. So vexing. Then after a while, my neighbour's dad, whom i always see walking his dog int he neighbourhood approached me and started talking to me about his life story. Much as I couldnt understand some of what he said, he was still rather engrossed in telling me what he has gone through, even touching on the sensitive topic of religion and the wonders of God. Sometimes I wonder if he is an angel God sent to me.


I could feel his utmost sincerity when talking to me. Reallt felt enlightened by his story, and most importantly by his sincerity. Yesterday talked to Aly and realised once again how it was that someone's sincerity which touched me. Sincerity, something so heartfelt, it can only be expressed through the heart. Perhaps that was what I saw. Oh well. Somehow I have become less dependent on those glances. Thats a good thing. Hmm.

embedded in between at 2:24 PM